Monday, June 22, 2009

Happy Father's Day

So a few days ago my mom emailed me with an interesting request. She wanted me to write a rap for Father's Day. Okay, I said, why not? Dear reader, please hold your arguments--that was a rhetorical question. Besides, keep in mind, I was alone and bored at the time with no one to speak sense into me. Now, I'm not from the hood (my neighborhood is about as menacing as the Sandlot), but I saw some crazy stuff in high school and I lived in Bangkok for a few years, so I felt qualified.

My mom and sister went to some pretty sincere effort to get thugged out (which I'm pretty sure mainly involved shopping at the local second-hand store and getting chain from Home Depot, but maybe that's how real thugs do it too).

My plan was to show up unshaven and without a belt, throw down a few lines, and stand to the side looking like I'd just taken a few jabs to the ribs. It's a difficult look to master, but every true rapper does it; I'm fairly sure it's a requirement for CD covers. Otherwise their CD will have to be sold in the same section of the record store as David Bowie and Prince, which, of course, cannot be tolerated by a legit rapper.

Then no one would believe your lyrics about stealing rims, taking a few shells, or life in the infamous, yet seemingly nonexistent, "hood." Fortunately, my stuff will never be found mis-shelved behind old Beegees albums--not with a CD cover like this anyway. No, we could at least be in the same part of the store as the Black Eyed Peas. Even if nobody bought our album, I would be content with just being able to say I'd cut a record.

Click here for the lyrics of our one-time-only concert and some pics from Father's Day at home. I want to thank my dad for all he's done for our family, friends, and me. Happy Father's Day, Dad.